Sentimental Sunday: Just Another Lonely Girl
We have a guestblogger from BodyNoise for the month of May for Sentimental Sundays. Give us your feedback and tell Amanda your two cents about love, lust and life.
Yes, I’m Amanda Chen. Go ahead and Google me. You probably know way more about me than I can tell you — I openly talk about my sex life, have naked pics on the Internet and I’m a sex toy expert. What’s new? I’m just another lonely girl.
I’m that girl that saw three different men in one night, then went home to tuck myself into bed. I’m that girl that has more girlfriends than boyfriends. I’m that girl that goes on one-night-stands. Yeah, I’m that awesome.
For those Sex and the City fans out there who wish they were Samantha Jones — stop wishing. Trust me, you don’t want her sex appeal, her overarching confidence and workaholic drive. If you’re all of these things, you’re destined to be alone.
There’s one thing about this ‘sex vixen’ lifestyle you’d never know: We would literally kill to be with someone. Someone that makes me feel like I’m part of something, an item, a ‘we,’ anything to keep me away from self destruction.
The problem with that desire is you end up giving so much of yourself to be a part of something you lose your part. You can be crazy in love with the man of your dreams, but there’s one thing you can’t ignore.
Lifestyle — it’s what broke up me and the Smith Jarred of my reality. At the end of the day I had to decide if I was going to be the girl-on-top or the girl that hit the jackpot but never saw the end of the rainbow.
There are relationships that are based on status, money, gender, whatever. I used to get involved with anything I can tolerate just to stay away from myself. Now it’s not so easy anymore. New York is a great place to find love, but you’re going to have to put in your all for it.
So for everyone that thinks I’m that ‘cool chick on the side,’ please don’t flatter me. I’d give away that title any day for ‘psycho girlfriend.’ She at least has a home to go to at the end of every day.
The older you get, the more holes you need to fill until you feel complete. As much as I wish I can mend every broken bone inside me there are some things that you just can’t do by yourself. In the meantime, I’ll be that other lonely girl.
Which girl will you be?