Ok, I understand why Chuck (Ed Westwick) is going “World War Waldorf” on the whole world. I mean, how did lonely boy Dan (Penn Badgley) score Blair (Leighton Meester) through the whole Chuck/Louis battle? I’m still rooting for them, but their chemistry on the screen really turns me off. It’s nothing compared to Dan and Serena (Blake Lively) back in high school. As if this can’t get any more unbelievable, Blair’s marriage annulment looks almost too good to be true until she find out Georgina and her guide worked together with Gossip Girl to reveal her affair with Dan, causing her to fork up some serious cash on a dowry. “OMG, I was just bitch-slapped by Bridget Jones.”
As if things aren’t bad enough, Billy Baldwin returns as Serena’s dad at CeCe’s Irish-themed funeral for grandma CeCe and declares Ivy Dickens (Kaylee DeFer) gets all the money from her will. Ivy’s proving to be more the Upper East Sider than the leading ladies themselves. She says, “Your mother knew all of my secrets and she knew all of yours too. Maybe that’s why she left me everything.” On top of it all, Lola takes Ivy’s side and again she wins with the whole innocent-girl-who-doesn’t-know-any-better act. But wait, it gets better. Georgina Sparks (Michelle Trachtenberg) almost gives up on Gossip Girl until she finds out that Dr. William Van Der Woodsen might not just be Serena’s daddy, but the father of Charlie Rhodes as well.
Ivy Dickens kicks out the very family that originally took her in with open arms. I get why everyone’s angry at each other, but this is no way to end the episode. Could the Van Der Woodsens and Waldorfs be knocked off their expensive thrones? Gossip Girl seems to think so, she’s even ditching her site. But don’t worry, she’ll be back. We gotta find out what happens with the Chuck-Blair-Dan triangle. Could Dan finally get lucky tonight? I can’t wait to hear the deets about lonely boy in the sheets.
Of course, Blair (Leighton Meester) and Serena (Blake Lively) are having some friendship problems after the whole kiss with Dan (Penn Badgley) thing on Valentine’s Day (ouch!). So in efforts to make amends, Blair suggests spending the day with Dan to prove that they’re ‘just friends.’ She says, “Friends aren’t afraid to be around together or feel awkward together.” Can anyone else smell disaster? Blair shows up and acts like a total weirdo next to Dan as they watch a theater group perform Dan’s book, Inside. Lola asks about the kiss between Dan and Blair and they demonstrate their not-so-passionate kiss right as Serena walks into the room. We get it, Blair. You’re totally lying to yourself.
On another note, Chuck (Ed Westwick) is on a mission to get back at Dan for kissing Blair (again and again). His totally overdone rich-boy charm is easily wooing Dan’s nerdy booking agent, Alessandra. It’s disgusting how pathetic how insecure and desperate she is, but of course Dan’s sequel book gets sent straight to the publishing house and through Chuck’s meddling is now up for plagiarism. Speaking about plagiarism, the real Charlotte Rhodes follows Gossip Girl’s tip to the hospital to check on grandma CiCi. Carol doesn’t know what to do when put on the spot and tells everyone Lola is her daughter. Well, wasn’t that easy? After all that hard work Ivy is finally getting the boot. A little uneventful for the amount of drama she’s created, if you ask me.
The feud between Dan and Chucks gets hotter. Dan isn’t stepping down, even with the threat of losing his book deal and being called a plagiarist on page 6 thanks to Chuck’s status and money. “You see, you can’t win against me, Humphrey. You can’t even compete.” As much as Blair’s professed her love for Chuck, post-wedding it looks like Dan’s right — Chuck is seriously threatened because Blair just realized the little Brooklyn misfit has been there for her this entire time. Regardless if she accepts this or not, there’s still way too much to lose.
Is there any better way to celebrate the eve of Valentine’s Day than watching the Upper East Siders shop Cartier jewellery in the comfort of their own home? At least Serena (Blake Lively) and Chuck (Ed Westwick) are on #teamforeveralone tonight. Of course Blair (Leighton Meester) is always on a mission for love and tries to set up Dan and Serena. As for Nate (Chace Crawford) and chasing poor catering girls, I don’t think Blair’s cupid skills can help with that.
Georgina Sparks (Michelle Trachtenberg) is the life of the episode and totally schooling Blair on manipulating her minions. She creates a “Come As You Are” tribute to high school party and gets the Spectator to hold it. Plaid, khakis and ‘spin the bottle’ games? I’m in! As if we’re not done waltzing in the past, even Charlie (Kaylee DeFer) comes back and immediately gets herself caught in Georgina’s web. But the secret weapon to crushing Blair’s not-so-loveless day is through more of Dan’s interference.
Georgina forces Dan to kiss Blair, but of course that doesn’t happen. He needs to do it on his own (and in front of Serena) so it can really have an impact. Although I’m totally a Dan and Blair fan, I’m not enjoying how this is playing out. There’s too much to lose: a pre-nup, a best-friend, Chuck? I’m glad Blair at least knows better to stay away from this one. But we all know how well she deals with desire.
OMG can you believe we’ve hit 100 episodes of Gossip Girl? And what better way to start it than with a musical featuring Blake Lively singing to ‘Diamonds are a Girl’s best friend.’ Who would have thought diamonds were a metaphor for Dan? ” At least we know Dan Humphrey’s (Penn Bagdley) over trying to get Blair. As adorable as it was, it was obviously never going to happen.
What about saving Chuck and Blair? Chuck (Ed Westwick) isn’t such great friends with the evil priest and poisons him in his effort to save Blair’s wedding. But it looks like Georgina Sparks (Michelle Trachtenberg) is saving the day. Nate (Chase Crawford) finally realizes how crappy his choice in women has been after a tiny feud over a catering girl he couldn’t remember.
I’m not exactly feeling Blair’s Vera Wang dress, especially since it’s so tight it’s cutting off her circulation. Serena’s pale pink dress looks like the way better option. If only all Maid of Honors were allowed to look that great. Blair’s mom ends up at Chuck’s place, obviously calling for an intervention. Everyone else sees how wrong this wedding is — “I don’t want my daughter to have to wait for a second chance to be happy. She should be happy the first time around.” You can’t say no to a mother now, can you?
Even after Chuck confronts Blair and tells her to come away with him (again), she’s still stuck on staying apart. Georgina teases this idea by recording this whole conversation where Blair confesses her true feelings and Chuck debates the idea of telling Louis. Even Serena joins the ‘all for Chuck’ team, but Blair decides to hold on to both of her fathers and continue down the aisle.
Who knew Gossip Girl would be the one to break up this picture-perfect moment? After hearing her own words, Blair jumps out of the altar. “Of course I love you, Chuck. I love you more and more every day if it’s even possible to love someone that much.” Georgina successfully calls out all the little issues suspecting Serena, Nate and Dan for sending in the video, all for Blair and Louis to resume their wedding. Will there be another interruption or are we finally sealing the deal?
Apparently Chuck’s made some sort of statement to the rest of the gang. Nate goes for the catering girl and Serena professes her love for Dan (apparently, there was never any competition, she was just being a bitch, as usual). Does anyone care about Louis’ grand gesture? After everything they’ve been together, it looks like she’s married herself into a monster.
Is anyone else totally upset at the lame excuse Blair (Leighton Meester) has for ending her love affair with Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick)? Accidents happen. She barely mourns the loss of her child and yet mourns her willful decision to exclude Chuck from her life? No wonder she has to go to church, no other institution would understand the level of crazy she’s at right now.
Is anyone else totally creeped out by that church dude and his perverted relationship with Beatrice? And I thought Nate’s (Chace Crawford) dates were bad. Now that you mention it, his little secret with Gossip Girl gets out when he shuts down Serena’s (Blake Lively) column, which Serena obviously finds out about and publishes herself. I’m not sure if Gossip Girl’s making a comeback, but at least we get a little closer to solving the mystery on Nate’s arch enemy: his cousin Tripp. Serena and Nate stage a video posted on Gossip Girl to get Tripp to come by and blame his wife only to realize this was all an intervention about their grandfather’s love.
As Nate’s story gets progressively interesting, it looks like there’s no room for Chuck to shine. He’s even more obsessed with Blair (I know, how is that even possible right?) and finding out why she randomly ran out on him when they just professed their undying love for each other. I understand where Blair is coming from about loving someone from afar, but for a protection measure? That’s a little lame. No, that’s a lot lame.
The best part of tonight’s episode is Blair’s bachelorete party at Panchitos in the West Village. She’s actually hit lower than 10th street to film this! So much for the blue Tiffany’s boxes and macarons, Blair gets silly off of frozen margaritas and tequila shots. I’ve never seen her this chilled out in the entire series. She even gets caught smoking a joint outside and mistakes the cops for strippers. I mean, Officier ‘Weiner’? I’m dying. See, surprises like this keep me holding on for better story lines. But we all know that won’t happen. I love the tiara, but it was too bad there weren’t penises on it.
Chuck and the creepy priest guy become BFFs when it comes to sabotaging Blair and Prince Louis’ marriage. But Beatrice looks like she’s turning sides, I mean, did anyone else notice they’re basically wearing the same makeup? Sisters cut from the same cloth! Let the best duo win and we’ll check out what happens next week at the altar. Or what doesn’t happen…
Ready for the Chair-fest? I have to admit, I was super excited to see Chuck (Ed Westwick) finally come to terms with his feelings and run back to Blair (Leighton Meester). But it’s so unfair that he gets his chance only when Prince Louis (Hugo Becker) messes up just once when he’s messed up plenty. On that note, I can’t not love the underdog, lonely boy Dan (Penn Badgley). His Dad had to bring up the fact that he hasn’t dated anyone since the kiss he had with Blair last spring. Is he about to throw himself at her as well? Hey, there’s already two, why not add a third?
Blair runs to Brooklyn to camp out with Dan and at first we think he’s trying to get his moment with her. He helps her write a pro-con list as the paparazzi and Gossip Girl continue to chase the story. Dan steals her away to a mystery place saying, “I think I know how to make you happy.” What happens? He takes her to Charlie (Kaylee DeFer)’s party and gets her alone with Chuck. And we finally get it — they both profess their love for each other and run out with Nate (Chace Crawford).
But somehow they went in the wrong cars and as the paparazzi are aggressively hunting Blair and Chuck’s car for a shot of them together, all of a sudden the car crashes right as Blair’s deciding whether or not she wants to hit Switzerland or Tokyo to raise the baby. What baby? Or should we say, what about Chuck? Either way, it looks like this family is about to fall apart before it could even begin.
PS all the night gowns and suits look absolutely ridiculous in the vastly lit hospital. With no evening light to shield her guilt Charlie/Ivy tells Rufus everything. She tells him she tipped Gossip Girl on Blair and Chuck’s whereabouts hoping the paparazzi would crash the party (as they rightly did) just to save her sorry ass from Max’s evil revenge. “I’m sorry, it’s me. I’m the fraud.” Now this time she better mean it when she says she’s leaving and not coming back, because I seriously feel like she’s the ‘Girl Who Cried Rhodes.’
And it looks like Nate’s story is about to get more interesting. Whatever his family has set is all out of whack when Grandfather calls up Diana (Elizabeth Hurley) to come back to town. Guess there’s only room for one conniving bitch next season.