It should feel like this
A man wants you, nothing can keep him away. stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. slower is better. never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. if a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. a friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. don’t settle.if you feel like he’s stringing you along, then he probably is. don’t stay because you think “it will get better”. you’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. the only person you can control in a relationship is you. avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. he didn’t marry then when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? always have your own set of friends separate from his. maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you, if something bothers you, speak up. never let a man know everything, he will use it against you later. you cannot change a man’s behavior. change comes within. don’t ever make him feel he is more important than you are.. even if he has more education or a better job. do not make him into a qusai-god. he is a man, nothing more nothing less. never let a man define who you are. never borrow someone else’s man. if he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. a man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. all men are not dogs. you should not be the one doing all the bending-compromising is a two way street. you need time to heal between relationships. there is nothing cute about baggage. deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. you should never look for someone to complete you. a relationship consists of two whole individuals.look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. dating is fun. even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right. make him miss you sometimes.. when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted. never move into his mother’s house. never co-sign for a man. don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. keep him in your radar but get to know others. share this with other women.. you’ll make someone smile, another rethink her choices and another woman prepare. they say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.”
Rachel Khona, relationship and sex expert, and her tips on making the most of your holidays with your partner.
The holidays should be a joyful time spent with those you love. For those who are looking to spend the holiday with their significant other, it can be tough trying to find the perfect activities that both will enjoy. This holiday season, create several bonding experiences with your partner using the following tips by Rachel Khona as she helps create fun and memorable experiences that couples will enjoy.
See the holiday lights
Hop in the car and take a drive to one of the more festive areas to catch both the garish and the beautiful decorations. Alternatively if you live in a city, you can take a stroll to check out the storefront. You can even take turns rating the houses or storefronts.
Make holiday treats
The holidays are all about baking. Making cookies, pies, and gingerbread houses together actually creates the perfect bonding experience. You have to learn to work together and cooperating. Best case scenario you’ll have delicious new goodies. Worst case scenario you’ll have a funny story to tell later.
Holiday Movie Time
This is the perfect time to whip out all the funny, sappy, and romantic holiday movie. Bad Santa, The Elf, It’s a Wonderful Life are all possible pics depending on your mood. Snuggle up with a bowl of popcorn and have a marathon movie day.
Decorating the Tree
This is one of the most festive ways to get into the holiday spirit. You can even pick out the tree together. Pour some mulled wine or hot apple cider and get going. You can pick a theme for the tree like Star Wars or the Nutcracker.
More About Rachel Khona:
In addition to serving as contributing editor for Vagabond, Rachel Khona has written for Cosmopolitan, Inked, Treats, Richardson, Your Tango, Penthouse magazine, Ask Men and has been consulted for her dating knowledge on radio shows such as “Poundstone Power” and “Broadminded” on Sirius XM, “Love Zone USA”, “Los Originales”, as well as How About We, Coed Magazine, Sex Lies and Dating, The Grindstone, What’s Wear and Gloss Magazine. She has performed at the Word Bookstore, Inner Monologues, Standard Issue, and Speakeasy Stories.
I know this happens to so many girls once they get into relationships. They change their look and water down their make up and style because of their new change in status. Why do girls do this? I have a few theories. One, guys generation don’t like make up on girls. Not a lot and not when it comes off on their clothes/towels. Two, by watering down your look, you attract less attention from other guys which could mean less opportunities for fights or arguments. Three, you love your boyfriend so you want to do what makes him happy.
Case in point. Kim Kardashian
Pre Kanye (hair done, nails done, everything did, sexy outfit, fake lashes, push up bra, hot shoes)
With Kanye (no more hair extensions, no more fake lashes, minimal make up, modest outfit, demure shoes)
Pre Tom (fun, carefree, happy, wearing heels)
With Tom (way too old looking, minimal make up, stressed)
We are not the only females that do this..
The browny gray female and the flashy opulent male
The brown female and emerald green male.
What do you think?
“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”
This is sooooo true… I am too often, too curious about ex’s for my own good. But Mae is right, give them a second chance but with someone else. Let them live, so in return you can let yourself live. So unfriend him, his mom, his brother, sister, cousin. And truly move on and wish them well.
ASHANTI is back and better then ever. This song is fire and will do damage on the charts. I know many women that will be able to relate to this track because we are all trying to be “the woman you love” for the man that they are madly in love with. I know I do this myself. Busta kills his verse too, nothing bad to say about this. I am in love with this song. What do you think?
“What about my pride?
You’re never satisfied.
You made me feel like I wasn’t worth being by your side.
I done sacrificed all of my damn time giving you all mine
You see me dying inside.
Tryin’ to see.
Tryin’ to find.
Tryin’ to be (the woman you love)
Tried everything, but it just don’t seem like it’s enough. (Hey baby!)
Tried to believe.
But I’m tired of being tired.
Tryin’ to love
Tryin’ to fight.
And I’m running out of tries.
You’re just no good.”
It happens all the time. We break up, then we make up. We’re not surprised that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony at the Hamptons just weeks after declaring divorce only weeks ago. For ages, we’ve been on this on again, off again rollercoaster that we can’t get off of, unless you’re not afraid to jump. Are we forever connected to our exes? Here are some reasons as to why we can’t help running back.
1. You’re comfortable with what you already know. Apparently, we don’t like to stray too far from home, literally. Dr. Karyl McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough: Healing The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, believes that people choose certain love partners to try to master trauma from childhood. She argues that we “tend to choose people who are similar to our parents because we’re attracted to the familiar.” It’s really difficult to start fresh and re-establish everything you worked so hard to develop. Would you throw it all away that easily? Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter, author of High Octane Women, runs with this idea saying, “We all are very much creatures of habit and we get accustomed to our routines, what we feel comfortable with, kind of like an old pair of shoes.” It may not be perfect, but if the shoe fits…
2. You’re lonely. Okay, dating is scary and unbearably awkward. Sometimes it’s easier to just run back to safety. Author of Hot Monogamy and The Truth About Love, Pat Love, Ed.D, says, “When we’re unhappy with your life, there’s a natural tendency to go back to square one and remember the last time you were happy in your life.” This comes back to the idea of wanting to be with something you’re used to. On top of that, it’s so much easier to get what you want with someone who knows what you want in the long run. You can have your fun while dating with the enticing phone calls, spicy sex life and lavish dinners, but you’re going home alone. What would you rather have?
3. You’ve changed. Maybe it was the right person, just the wrong time. Could it still work, later down the road? Dr. Carter argues, “A couple may have a very strong chance of making it if the reasons they split up were situational.” This is suggesting it was a break-up due to things out of your control. Just don’t expect any huge changes on a person’s character. But just like we can’t change someone’s personality, we might not be able to change the way we feel about someone. Recently, Rihanna‘s reportedly hooking up with first boyfriend from 2006, Negus Sealy. Could we be forever attached to that ‘first love?’ Beverly Hills sports psychology counselor, Carla Lundblade says, “It has to do with the fact that they were together when they were younger during times that they were beginning to decide what work for them in relationships.” If you’re ready to try it again, you’ll have a better chance with someone you’ve already connected with in the past. It’s not necessarily a step backwards if you’re on a different mind-set.
4. You realize what you missed. This is my favorite. The grass isn’t greener on the other side, after all! Apparently, Scarlett Johansson has been trying to get back with her ex, Ryan Reynolds. “Scarlett had been asking Ryan to meet since the first week of June,” says the insider in Star Magazine. With the recent disaster with Sean Penn, she wants to go back home (and we can’t blame her for wanting more of that sexy monster). But it looks like there’s a deeper foundation behind the ‘don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’ situation. Dr. Paul Zak, neuroscientist and professor at Claremont Graduate University in Southern California, says, “There is literally a craving chemical in the brain, like an addiction to be with someone.” On another note, maybe it’s completely out of your control. Likewise, Carla Lundblade recalls an idea called ‘frustration attachment’ — the notion that love stimulates the dopamine neuron, so when someone is trying to break up with someone, the desire for that dopamine and neurons to be stimulated actually increases. Now that’s something new! There’s actually a physical pull bringing you back and here you are making a fool of yourself over and over again. You’ve officially been warned.
5. You really want it to work out. Maybe there are social and cultural issues surrounding your relationship to the fact that it’d actually be better off if you two stuck it out. Dr. McBride suggests, “We kind of live in a narcissistic culture where it’s all about how it looks like, rather than who you really are.” She describes this superficial aspect of relationships as the ‘legacy of distorted love,’ based on either what I can do for you or what you can do for me. We all set our own standards for our relationships, and certain issues are out of our own hands. But we can control the level of our commitment and determination for a relationship to function, especially if it’s worked out at some time in the past. More often than not, couples that come back together, stay together. Dr. Carter says, “If people want to do something badly enough, and they want to make something work badly enough, they will make it work.”
Until next week! Follow @missamandachen